The Hollow Spot

Merry Christmas from..

2011-12-25T03:41:00.002+08:00

The depths of my bed. Yeah, Merry Christmas to all.

Perhaps, this might be the way i will be spending christmas in many more years to come. Preferably without all the sneezing and coughing.

Dear world, there are a lot of good things and bad things (very very bad things) happening outside there. In comparison, i am in really fortunate place with a shelter and warm blanket and food to fill up my stomach. But why, don't i just feel warm and fuzzy inside?

You and i both know the answer.

If christmas wishes do come true, you and i both know what i would wish for this year, previous years and every other single year.

Merry christmas to all.

The same old broken story

2011-12-06T15:19:00.003+08:00

Well, here we go again.
I fell back into the old pattern. Even when I tried so hard to prevent it. After being in denial for all this while, finallly admitting, only to be crushed all over again.
I guess another piece of my heart is broken again today, and i'm not sure it'll ever heal back. It's not like I haven't expected it to end this way, but it still hurt.
I might not be tearing on the outside, but inside i'm bleeding profusely.
It doesn't matter though. All I have to do is pull on my happy mask again as usual and no one will notice anything wrong. Those who do will just pretend they don't anyway.
After all, i'm living up to my happy name....

Inner peace..

2011-10-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

Shall be careful not to fall back into the same pattern again. I've been up on the mountain and has been peaceful for so long. Time to dig out my brains and stop indulging in wistful thoughts.

No, eye-candy. You are merely just a pretty face. A pretty face which wears off after 3(or more it seems) days. However, an ugly face takes 3 (or more it seems too) days to get used to. So, no, beautiful things doesn't last....

No, I shall submerge myself deeper into the sea with my fishy and not get distracted by you. I don't want to go back to emo, disappointed and frustrated again.

Sorry, cute guy. You are cute but my heart can't afford the heartache again.

Trailing back up the mountains..

Choose happiness....

2011-09-19T23:28:00.003+08:00

Hello, emo place. It's been a while.. Sorry, i've neglected you for so long. You see, it's because i am in a contented phase in my life now. Well, not really contented like contented-with-what-i've-achieved-in-life but more like contented-with-everything-i-have-and how-things-are-in-my-life-now. In other words, you see, i've learned to appreciate my life.

Up until now, i've been complaining and complaining and complaining how my life sucks. Every little thing that went wrong, life sucks. Until i came across this little book, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". I haven't finished reading it but the rich dad told the poor kid that life is forever going to be pushing you around, you either let it push you around or find away to push it back instead of blaming everything else that went wrong. Suddenly, everything that Mum has been telling me about being grateful and accepting finally sinks in- enlightenment.

I know now, instead of grumbling grumbling and grumbling, i could take time and enjoy the things i do instead, even if i don't like it. Always think of the bright side of life~ That familiar verse in a song. Simple, but not that simple to truly grasp the concept. Once you have though, the world suddenly seems like not such a bad place after all.

Happiness is a state of mind. One can be happy as long as one allows self to be. We have lived in the modern age where "emo" is the new "cool" that we have forgotten we really can just let ourselves to be happy and just forget about being "cool". So, instead of appreciating the little joys in life, we find faults with little details in our lives and grumble about it to our friends. Suddenly, sharing pains becomes the new socializing... No one likes someone who is forever happy and worry-free about their life, there's a sadist somehow deep down inside in everyone where we wanna see others suffer and doing worse than us in order for us to feel good about ourselves. Selfish.

I have been living the same mundane life lately ever since work. Same old routine travel to office, 8.30-5.30 tedious and monotonous work, travel back home, eat, tv, maybe cook a little, jamming in my room, youtube, shower, then sleep. Repeat every weekday. Pepper with occasional dinner with friends. Weekends are either spent lazing around at home or catching up with some friends and shopping. Yada yada yada...

But the big difference? First few weeks were like a horrible nightmare which i couldn't wait to wake up from. That's when i kept complaining and complaining and complaining. I didn't realise i was the one who let all these "sufferings" be. I was the one who chose this bloody course to study. I was the one who chose this bloody job to take. I am the lazy ass that didn't do a thing to make a change about it when i hated it so much. All I am is a grumpy old complaining coward who refuses to help herself.

Well, now i realise. Grumbling only make things worse. Can't change the thing you don't like? Then change yourselves. I took liberty of the somber silent in the office to think things through. What i wanna do in life and what i really am. And pieces started to fit together. And now i am enjoying every moment in my life, no matter how bloody boring it is to everyone else. Hell yeah, i am allowed to be happy with my boring life don't I? There's nothing like jamming around in your underwear to your favourite music inside your own room, with your reflection on the tinted window as your only jamming partner.

And boyfriends? Lots of people looked at me weirdly when i tell them i am still single. It used to bug me before. Why the hell am i still single when everyone else is getting attached? And-excuse me for the lack of modesty- but i really don't think i did any bad in the looks department. If anything, i think i'm slightly more towards the "hot" scale. XP. But that's where the problem is too. If my appearance is not the problem, then what the hell is wrong with me? It hurts more to know that no one wants you because you are a bad person than because you are ugly. And all the self-bashing just started to surface. Everything went downhill until all i saw when i look into the mirror is an ugly old hag with rotten insides. Then emo, then depressed...

Well, no longer anymore i shall allow the self-pity. The problem, is really not with me. Fate works in a funny way sometimes. It's so busy it tends to forget some people. Or it could just like to skip over certain random people at random turns. And i just happened to be that turn all the time. Oh wells...the point is, i realise i don't need to be in a relationship to define who i am. Nor am i a better person if i have a boyfriend, or worse if i don't. I need to be happy with who i am myself before i can be happy with anyone else. It doesn't mean i wanna be single all my life, no, contrary, i still do wanna get attached. But i realise all these while, i am just in love with the idea of being in love instead of really loving or even liking anyone. So now, i am just going to enjoy and be proud of being boyfriend-less, taking the liberty of being single and doing all the things i can do alone, until my fish charming comes swimming by one day. He might never come at all, but at least i don't spend my life being miserable waiting for him to appear....

So, in conclusion, for the first time in a long time, i can truly say i am happy at this moment. This is a happiness that is not dependent on any family, friends, or material. Rather, it is a state of mind where i enjoy and appreciate everything right at this moment; learning to see the beauty in life. All it takes to realise this is a few pages from an international best-selling book, and a Saturday morning encounter-where i was at my lowest point being all sad and depressed- with a cat which tries to jump up the fence. Watching the cat bend its legs, hesitating to take the leap several times, stretching and unstretching again and again, before finally taking the leap is just too funny. And i laughed out loud. And just like that i understand. Life can be a complicated journey, but it doesn't take much to be happy. We will eventually reach the end somehow, but we can always choose to laugh our way there and make things easier.

Have a good day everyone. =)

RRAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-30T23:50:00.002+08:00

Why is luck always not on my side???? Why is always all these lame stuffs always ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME??! FML!!! I officially hate booking air tickets.. Blooody.

I was happily going out alone today.. Ok, not happily but at least i try to not lament at my own pity lonely self and tried to have fun, even i was alone. Eat alone, walked alone, compensated with awarding myself 2 cups of fat-filled gong cha to stop the self-pity. Was happy, really quite happy even as I got lost walking a few times around the city. A little imagination and the gong cha's in hand got my spirit up...

Finally came to a decision to book the flights tonight, after procrastinating for so long. Because i was considering the budget, date and everything. Nearly cracked my skull in two deciding whether i should book. And when i finally, finally confirmed the booking, YOU JUST HAVE TO RUIN IT DON'T YOU??? LIKE FREAKING 5 MINUTES RIGHT AFTER IT!!! FML FML FML FML FMLTTM!!!!!!!!

Screw everything. Screw it. I'm sick and tired of this shit. FUCK! ARRRRGGGHHH!!!! Leave my brain alone!!! I'm going to destroy something! RAHHHHHHH!!!!! I HATE MAKING DECISION. DON'T MAKE ME DECIDE!!!!!!!!!

2011-04-23T01:28:00.000+08:00

go on. i'm being mean to u. hate me with all ur might. i'm not as nice as u think. u mess with the wrong person. although it's nice to have the honour. but it's time u realise who i really am.

2011-04-23T01:19:00.002+08:00

i think everything kinda exploded. i'm so sorry. it went out of control. it's my fault. me myself all along. i'm foolish to deceive myself. let's put it to an end. i'm so sorry. i fell for u first. u had any idea how hard it is to type out the previous sentence?

happiness is a state of mind. as long as i accept i could be doomed to singlehood forever, i'll be able to live happily. i will no longer harbour any hopes. i can't believe it has become like this. i wish you would never find out. and continue to live happily ever after..

2011-04-21T22:26:00.003+08:00

Do you really not know your own charms? Your friend is right when she said she could have fell for you if you continued... I know because, so do I. You might be playing alright. But it's dangerous. And it could burn bridges. Next time, pick on other targets. Because lonely souls are too easy to be played....

Why do i feel this way...

2011-04-05T21:13:00.002+08:00

It's hard to not feel the pain. I feel it every once in a while, every so often, every time it hurts more than the previous one. It was masked with a smile, forgotten momentarily with a happy event, only to be stirred to the surface again when I'm left all alone.

You might ask me why do I feel this way? For that, I have no answer for you. It is just there, you see? Some things never changes.

i think...

2011-04-04T23:11:00.001+08:00

would you believe me if i say i really might have fallen for you?

Big eyes, small eyes...

2011-03-29T00:53:00.003+08:00

Fishy should know that small eyes can be very pretty too. Sure, big eyes triumph a lot over small eyes. But small eyes is unique and cute on it's own. Fishy should know that someone elses out there like small eyes.

This post is not making anymore senses.

Fishy, I love your eyes. But someone else might just love mine. =)

We're both straigth.

2011-03-25T22:32:00.001+08:00

Flirt flirt with one's friend. Same gender friend.

It's fun, it's playful, but it could be dangerous too.

Watch out before you burn yourself....

FIshy's Perfect Girl

2011-03-02T01:51:00.002+08:00

He said big eyes, nice forehead, and now nice ankles....

Ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ML. =(((((((((

My Valentine...

2011-02-15T02:05:00.005+08:00

Is sadly not the fish this year. And he fell sick and went to the hospital because I was about to stop seeing him for two weeks for fyp.

No, kicked-puppy expression is not going to work. I'm not going to be soft-hearted..

*Heartbroken*..How could I when you are crying like that? No. I can't~~

It's difficult. It's bitter now, but I promise it will be sweet later.

It pains me too. But yeah, keep smiling like that, baby. Dry your tears. It'll be fine...

Love Fishy. Happy Valentine's Day to you.

"This is what I’m begging,Babe. Can I be the only guy who stay with you and holds your hands~"

2011-02-10T00:40:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La8u6YTwdeA&feature=player_embedded

XDDDDD Evidence, Evidence, EVIDENCE!

Lost count of the number of times I watched it again and again. Lol!

Fish-ache..

2011-01-31T16:28:00.005+08:00

My heart hurts at the thought of not getting to meet Fishy Hae close up, when he was just so nearby!! ARRGGHH!!

How coould you do this sooo many times with others but not even come near me ONCE!!! NOT EVEN ONE BLOODY CLOSE-UP PICTURE!

SS3 Malaysia. Should I go again?

The SGD208 experience.

2011-01-31T01:36:00.005+08:00

I shall be working on my fyp or TBP project but I don't care. I wanna get this down before I forgot the details.

Yes, people. I've finally met my loves upclose!! Well, mostly except for Fishy Hae. =((( Silly fish barely swam near my place throughout the whole show. Even when performing, he would be situated right at the furthest corner from me! Wtfish.. Ahhhh~~So dissapointed. -_-"

Oh wells, I guess God is fair. He took away Fishy from me and threw a Horsie at me instead! If you follow FB, you would have roughly know what happened. Well, here's a recap in detail for my own future reference. =P

Although I'm not a big fan of Horsie, the following event took place.

I was standing near the glass platform during one of the performance (i still can't remember what's the song they sang!) when the members started to close in to the audience. No one was at my corner except for me and Yue. Then the Horsie grandly marched onto the platform. Funny how no one crowds near my corner even after he was up there for awhile. I stretched upwards with my cam hoping he would grab it and took a few selcas of himself. That's what a lot of the other members did. The next thing I know, he came over, looked directly at me while singing and grabbed my wrist!!! Yikes! It was for awhile too before he let go. The fangirls behind then realized what happened and went crazy. They rushed towards us and shrieked out the heck of their lungs. Unfortunately for Yue, they shrieked directly into her ears. Poor girl...
Well, back to the story. I guess Wonnie held my wrist instead because my hand was still holding onto my cam. It was pretty awkward if you ask me, but surprisingly it did feel pretty good. hehe. *shy*. Perhaps because wrist is where the skin is thinner and more sensitive ba. His fingers felt warm yet cool at the same time. How is that even possible? *shakes head*

Behind me, Yue was going "Take his picture, take his picture!" all the while. So, here's my current "trophy" according to Kling.

Took this while he was holding onto my wrist. Not a very flattering pic but whatever la! Hehe.

Afterwards, I went back to my seat and told Kling about it as she didn't join us at the platform. She was surprised and said that she saw Horsie holding some girl's hand but she didn't know it was me! *proud* Haha.

Anyways, after that incident, the fangirls all knew to crowd that "magical" spot from then on, since it is an easy "access" to their idols. While the security know to block off that "magical spot" as much as possible, since the fangirls can reach the idols there. -_-"

Oh wells, later on, I went around the same spot again, but a little bit higher with quite a lot of fangirls, some with smelly breathes *ewwws*. Ryewook, Leeteuk, Shindong, Sungmin, Eunhyuk all came upclose. Eunhyuk came twice and stayed quite long. The first time he was up there with his taugeh costume. Makes excellent photo subject. I got to shook his taugeh sprouts too. Haha. The second time he came while eating some rice crackers with some to throw at the fans. Makes excellent video subject. Lol.

Taugeh Hyuk, I got lots more similar pics at high quality.

Lol. Emo-ing at one corner. So drama!

Then Ryeowook and Kyuhyun came by again. Ryeowook was really shy. Although he is probably the one who came nearby the most, he never attempted to shake any of our hands or such. The closest thing he did was giving away a banner to the fans. The girl in front of me grabbed it.

But it was a different sorry for Kyu though. He seemed reluctant to shake hands to, but no such luck since he came to near by and some fans managed to grab his hands. The the rest just grabbed and shook it, including me who act held onto it for a bit before he pulled away. Hehe *evil snicker*. I was still trying to held out the camera for him too. But this clever fangirl behind me just shove her cam-phone straight into his hands. So, he got no choice but to take a selca of himself for her before passing the phone back. While I was left with nothing but a back shot of him leaving. -_-"

The sad backview..=((

About his hands- it feels fleshy plump and smoothly soft. Exactly like someone with good fortune's hand. Which I think is quite befitting of him.

Well, that's all I get for SGD208. Nothing much of the "ultimate fan-experience" after that. But I still enjoyed the whole show and screamed myself hoarse and danced till my legs wobbles. The whole experience made better because I was with my beloved sisters all the time. Hehe.

Super Show 3 in Singapore rocks!

The day I waited 9382832798 days for..

2011-01-30T01:31:00.002+08:00

SJ SS3 tomorrow. Finally!! Can't wait can't wait. =DD

All my loves under one roof. I shall be sorry sorry though coz my fyp's going to suffer. But heck care la.

Super Junior, here we come! =DD

2011-01-25T01:22:00.002+08:00

I'm writing this down before i forgot.

I've been dreaming of the Suju boys quite often recently. All real random dreams with real random members. You will see why

1. Eunhyuk.

Something about being in a bus on a school trip with ahmei, jar and some other friends. Eunhyuk popped out somewhere in the picture when we stopped by a shopping mall and the celebrity him was there to greet us- shook hands and all. Then he somehow followed us back to the bus and sat with us. Awkward silence ensued as no one knows what to speak to the celebrity. *dream ends soon after a few stolen glances here and there*

2. Siwon

Dreamed of a baby boy at first, about 1+ or 2 years old. Kept pestering me to get him lots of things. Then asked me to buy him clothes. Don't ask me how I can understand the baby. In the end I got really frustrated and turn just to see the horsie Siwon standing at another side of the room. So, I said to the baby "Go and ask your uncle Siwonnie to buy for you instead!" -__-" *Dream ends after Siwon picked up the baby boy and gave a sheepish grin or a dirty look at me. I can't remember which.*

3. Ryeowook and Yesung

We were in a car. Yesung was driving and Wookie in the front side while I was in the backseat. It was an old red sedan car. The car went over a magnificent bridge with magnificent view of magnificent ships sailing beneath it. The backdrop was a magnificent sunset orange sky. Then we drove through a dark and windy road. Then I asked Yesung and Wookie where we are going. Wookie answered we are going over to Grandma's for reunion dinner!! Wth....Somehow, the bridge scene and the windy road are familiar from another dream. I remembered remembering taking the windy road before from another dream as I then gave directions to Yesung on how to reach Grandma's place. *Dream ends before we reached Grandma's*

Fishy, oh fishy..

2010-12-29T13:32:00.020+08:00

I thought that it is almost time I should be over nemology by now, since i got sidetracked by many other..err..."distractions" along the way.

Distraction 1. ^^

Distraction 2. So freaking pinchable cheeks!

Distraction 3. WTH, right? But would you just look at the gorgeous face? And those legs, oh god.. *heaven*

But every time the face or name of the fishy flashed by somewhere on the flat screen, I would get so excited that a squeal or two actually escaped my mouth!. Le sigh~~ This must be the longest crush I've ever had...

Despite you being quite short, quite idiotic, a huge crybaby, clingy, bulliable, gullible, dorky, me not fitting into the description of your ideal type at all, plain weird, pushy, and xiao qi at times, I still can't get over you. Why?

BAM! Oh, that's why. @_@

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone, with love from our dearest Fishy. =)

Another hair-breaking story..

2010-12-21T15:56:00.002+08:00

I hate my hair. Stupid aunty. Show picture already still cannot get it right.

"Oh like this in the picture har." *barely glances at the picture* "You want cut layer?" *walks away* "Cut layer lah hor."

Er, it would be nice if you so much so take a look at the picture that I painstakingly find online before deciding for me what to cut. And last time I check, the one paying should have a say on how she wants her hair to be cut, or shaved for any matter. Then again, correct me if I'm somehow outdated.

"It's nicer to have a bit of layer. I cut layer this short ok?" *gestures somewhere middle of the ear and proceeded to cut*

You call that a bit of layer?

"Layer nice ar. Not nice mer? You don't like it ar?"

You think I like it when distaste is written ALL over my head? When I'm shaking my head so furiously?

"Aiyo, If you don't like layer then should say cut straight already. But it's too late to change already now." *chortles to self*

When did I say I wanted layers?? I asked for a trim!

"Straight cut is not in now la. Nowadays people like layer cut . Straight cut not nice la. Unless you like la. People don't like already. Understand?" *shakes head knowingly*

By "nowadays people", which planet do you mean they are from? And yes, I happened to like straight cut, with little layers at most. And please, if you can find one hot celebrity out there with a hair like mine, I'll give you 10 cents. Please google SNSD or Victoria Secret angels, thank you very much.

"Layer is like that de. If you put hair to the back it will look short lo. If you put it to the front it will look longer lo. And of course will qiao d la. Understand or not?" *clucking tongue*

Ohhhhh, could you pwetty pleaseeeeesh explain 1+1=2 to me too? And how many times did I mentioned I don't want my hair to qiao again? Farks..

"How? Don't like ar? You want shampoo your head or not? No? Rinse ok? $17 please."

Wah. Rinse head extra $3? Farks..

"OK, thank you. Have a nice day." *turns to shampoo girl to yakkkk away*

Oh my, how sweet are you to wish me a nice day. But how? I think I will have a gloomy month ahead, if not a few. Farks..

*walks out to the gloomy day*

2010-09-20T20:40:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnvH1iMRAdU

i need a guy..

2010-09-02T02:32:00.001+08:00

Touches a big spot in my heart. http://twitpic.com/2k6fkt

He is like daddy. Angels do exists. =)

2010-08-24T21:00:00.001+08:00

It's horrible. What a never ending nightmare. Wake me up soon. This joke is too cruel don't you think?

Give me a place to stay. That's all I'm asking for. Do you really want me to end up sleeping on the streets? What have I done to deserve that?

Give me strength..

2010-08-18T22:45:00.002+08:00

Why am I always the bad one in the family? Why?

Why can't I even joke about things without being judged?

Why can't I be myself anymore?

I don't need you to understand me and whatever I do.

It's fine that you couldn't be there for me all the time when I need you.

It's even fine when you pay more attention to the others than me.

Yes, I am a huge blob of mess sometimes but you didn't even notice didn't you?

Do you know how many times I have loss countless of sleep troubled by things I couldn't share with anyone?

Do you know how many times I think life is meaningless and just want to end it all?

Do you know how many times I continued to act like a fool because that makes you notice me and I feel that I am alive afterall?

Do you even know how sick I am?

No you don't. Maybe you do and you pretend you don't. Because no one else seems to know or care.

But rest assured. I promised myself I shall not succumb to the same abyss anymore. I have stop the self-destructive ways for awhile and I am determined to keep it that way. All by myself.

I am your daughter. That's what I am.

The Nomad

2010-08-18T22:33:00.003+08:00

Home. A place which gives you comfort and shelter, safe from everything else outside.

Room. Where you rest and relax in your own comfort zone, away from all your troubles.

I had neither here now. You don't know how hard it is to live a nomad life. To keep moving every few weeks and so. Staying over at people's places.

Yes, these people are very kind and offered me a place to stay with I couldn't be more grateful for. But afterall, it is still not my place. I am given a room to stay in now, but I feel shameful to even call it "my room" everytime I refer to it when I talk to other people.

Sept 16 seems so far away. It might be a few days. But it is a torture. No, they did not mistreat me or anything like that. In fact, it was just the opposite. They are more than nice to me.

But it is still depressing, when my own mother personally asked me to go stay with other people, and couldn't care more about it. All she care about is I should never say I want to marry an old rich guy and all that crap, even if it's only for fun.

What?!

I want to run away. Far far away. What difference does it makes? I am all over the place now. Don't come looking for me when I am gone.

No turning back..

2010-08-14T00:26:00.004+08:00

Tried as I may, I couldn't bluff myself anymore that this is what I really want to do. No, construction related stuff is not my thing. It's too late to sigh now though. I envy people who has the courage to turn back and change the course they took when they are already so near the finishing point, just because they didn't want to reach the finishing point at all. No, I can't bluff anymore. How I skived so much during intern and learned nothing at all should have said as much. How just the thought of writing that damned report sends me to a bout of depression needs no further explanation. No, I do not hate writing report in general, just that bloody report- because I have no idea what I have learned so far.

If I can't be happy about my studies now, how can I be happy when I started work later? nothing else matters to me now. How I wish I could just put everything behind me and just run away. Far far away and never stopping, never turning back, never have to face all these again.

But this is not an ideal work. I can't just turn around and run away..

2010-08-12T15:41:00.002+08:00

I'm a horrible writer. Academically anyway. 2000 words of report? How the hell am I suppose to achieve that? I can easily whip up stories or fics more than 2000 words but formal academic writing? Not a chance in the world if my life depended on it. Unless I kop other people's report and use it to my own advantage. Which I am going ot do anyway. Screw reports. Why write long boring reports where no one really cares or want to read? Maybe uni life full of report isn't for me anyways...Screw it. Screw everything!

A rainy day..

2010-08-11T16:28:00.002+08:00

I must be crazy. What the heck am I thinking?

Well, to be fair it wasn't like it wasn't unpleasant or anything like that. Far from that, it is nice and comfy and everything. But the awkwardness, gosh, the awkwardness!

And how I am more troublesome than I think. God, let August 27 arrive fast.

And then I can start figuring out where to hide my face after that..

2010-08-08T03:57:00.004+08:00

If I have a boyfriend all even anyone I like now, do you think I would still be so obssessed with this?

Confessions of a closet fangirl: nemology rocks.

The Great East Sea

2010-06-23T21:33:00.003+08:00

WARNING: This post is strictly for benign Super Junior fans(*i scared malicious fangirls*) or those who are just plain bored and doesn't mind not understanding 70% of the content of this post.

It's been a while since I update. Besides being occupied with internship that I hardly have enough time to go online now, my mind is completely occupied by something (or should I say someone?) else.

Meet my new obessesion

Lee Donghae from Super Junior.

Well, technically I'm still obssessed with the entire Super Junior. But recently this Fishy just somehow managed to charm his way into my heart (Gah! see how he's even making me say all this mushy stuff now??!) even though he's usually not in the main spot light.

And we all know Kyuhyun used to be on top of my list, until I saw videos of Kibum. Then that man-whore Leeteuk seduces me with his dimple. Then I ease my guilt for being such a flutter heart by making a list of top 5. And it went like this:

1. Kibum

2.Kyuhyun

3.Leeteuk

4.Eunhyuk

5.Donghae

Donghae was like somehow there just to round up my list of top 5. I never gave him much thought until recently where it's suddenly

1.Donghae

2. Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk, Ryeowook, Kibum

1.Donghae

I've no idea how. Might be the adorable puppy eyes, or the toothy grins, or the cheesy "亲爱的宝贝们" he said whenever he's promoting for SJM, or even this short but hillarious video where he got prank.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWvGR7zpeHE His sleeping form right before he got splashed is just so *angelic*. (melts a little)

Gah! I feel like a squeaky 14-year-old teenage fangirl now! What's wrong with me?!

No Love

2010-05-01T00:45:00.001+08:00

Is is too much to just ask for a little more love?

Is this girl really that unlovable?

Loveless..

"L" for Loser..

2010-04-25T22:34:00.004+08:00

Who are you to judge me?

It's my life and who are you to care if I screw it up? It's not like it's going to affect you in the least bit anyway.

Do I have to do everything properly just so I can measure up to your standard? Give me reasons why should I do that?

I can just throw away everything I have now and just pursue the things I want to do the most if I want to. Without your permission or anything.

I might not be able to wear my emotions on my sleeve all the time but that doesn't mean I'm not feeling anything inside at all. I do envy you for being able to show your emotions so outwardly but you are not me, so you don't know what goes through my head all the time. You might not even be able to guess the kind of things that bothers me all the time for life's sake. Just because you live in a world purer and brighter than me doesn't mean we all do.

Everyone has their own problems so they must have their own reasons for one thing or another. I'd rather be judged based my looks than my character coz you don't know me at all. So don't try to act smart like you know everything.

How do you define losers and winners anyway? I might be a loser, but I'm fine the way I am.

So, get off my back and leave me alone will ya?

"Crazy isn't about being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It's you, or me, amplified..."-Susanna Kaysen in Girl, Interrupted

An online dating site..

2010-04-25T21:37:00.004+08:00

Update: Oh great, a click on the "twister" game application brings such rude interventions. It's supposed to be a "game" where they connect you to just any random people, some with webcam, so you can chat face to face with them. An several clicks on the "next" button reveals nothing but dirty weird sh*ts wanking to themselves! Bloody hell!! How am I supposed to study with such horrifying image imprinted into my head now! GAH!!! And I still haven't figure out how to delete my account. -___-""" Now I shall salvage my eyes by going on a eye candy spree. Another excuse not to study..kns...

Studying makes people do a lot of weird things, just so to have an excuse to not study.

For example, signing up on a dating site, and talking to a few dozens of dodgy strangers.

Check it out yourself http://www.badoo.com/

Less than 1 hour there's more than 30 guys who tried to chat me up, all of them dodgier than the previous one. And looking either like a pug, bulldog, or a chihwahwa. No offernce, but I'm really judgemental when it comes to looks. Well, at least they are all honest enough to put up their own picture.

What the hell was I thinking in the first place? Shall go and delete my account now before some weird sh*t jerks off to my picture...

2010-04-24T23:44:00.001+08:00

Presence of eye-candy during study session is a mood-uplifter.

Took a pic of cute guy-J and shall upload it later when it got transferred. ;)

Today, tonight..

2010-04-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

Finally getting some studying done today. However, when i'm back in my room, i'm back to happily clicking away on FB again..-_-""

I realise it's been a while since i wrote a quirky and interesting post. This blog has become a place where i just siphon all my disturbing thoughts away. Sometimes i typed so fast i don't even know what i'm trying to say. All i know that it's all in my head and i just NEED to get it out. Fast.

Someone once told me she doesn't dare to read my blog because it's full of emo stuffs. You think that's scary eh? Try having those disturbing and confusing stuff bogging down your mind, all at once. Scary, eh?

Yes, that's how much of a disturbed human being i am. In fact, they should just make an autobiography of "Disturbia" or "Girl, Interrupted" out of me. Might win an Oscar or two somemore. Awesome...

Anyway, the point is, it's not always easy to please everyone, including oneself. I remember Kenny Sia stated recently that he first started out his blog as a hobby but over time, the expectation from people on him to keep coming up with funny posts is just to much to handle.

Will make a funny post if i ever have the inspiration again..

Invisibility

2010-04-21T01:50:00.002+08:00

Is totally used to being over-looked and insignificant to others. Would have been perfect if she would just fade away or evaporate just like that.

However, any sudden span of attention on her is totally shocking and surprising. No idea how to react.

Perhaps, it would be nice to be invisible sometimes..

2010-04-21T01:42:00.002+08:00

There's so much I want to do now, despite study should be on the top of my priority list.

I want to cook. Tteokbokki, pajeon, dak galbi, apple crumble/cobbler, banana walnut cake.

I want to learn new piano pieces. The name of life (Spirited Away OST), Yiruma's pieces.

I want to run. I want to dance. I want to drink. I want to shop. I want to go to the beach. I want to spend time with my mum. Yada yada yada...

Anything except dealing with this whole contract mess in front of me now. But what to do? I made a vow in front of the Dearly Departed-s I'll work hard to make it through. Nowhere near hard though. How?

Sometimes, I think my life is jinxed because I made too many empty promises.

Random: Regretted not giving her all in piano last time. Could only sigh in envy listening to all the beautiful pieces she could have played if only she was more serious.

I want nothing more than to be cooking and baking and playing my piano right now...

Tumbling down, KABOOM!

2010-04-21T01:28:00.002+08:00

Took a fall on the pavement today while jogging. Was relieved and counted myself lucky for not sustaining any injury.

Took a tumbling fall in the library when my leg got caught up with one of the many stray laptop cables lying on the floor. Scraped myself on the knee but i think my pride hurt more. Half of the study room people are staring at me; whispering and grinning among themselves.

The wound kinda sting a bit now. Which made me realise, how fragile I actually am. A slight little fall like that injures me. And a slight little injury like that hurts.

Big-sized people like me should never fall. The risk of getting injured is too high. And it hurts. And i'm talking about both literally and metaphorically.

2010-04-16T02:48:00.002+08:00

Actually, she knows the answer to the most frequently asked question of all time all along.

It's because she can't love or care for anyone else. Including herself.

There. Mystery solved. Now, you people can stop asking her the same question over and over again. Because it hurts to know the answer to this.

2010-04-16T02:41:00.001+08:00

Can't stop posting because I think I'll explode if I do.

Hates how all her thoughts are centered around herself right now.

2010-04-16T02:34:00.002+08:00

Convince me why this life is worth living. Don't bother asking me to change this or that. If I could it would have happened long time ago.

And you know what's the most pitiful thing?

Suicide is not an option because it doesn't solve anything at all.

It's amazing how the world can be so lovely one moment but absolutely horrible the next..

*feels extremely sorry to her loved ones when typing this post*

Can I just give up trying?

A new idol-drama

2010-04-16T02:10:00.002+08:00

If my life is like an idol-drama, then my character will be similar to one of those female leads.

You know, those who are not smart, pretty or rich but have the priceless attributes of being hard-working, never give-up attitude, cheerful, loyal, and most importantly, a kind heart.

Those who will manage to trive off and won everyone's heart in the end with their pureness.

Those who will meet their rich and handsome Prince Charming, usually more than one, before marrying the right one and live a happily ever after life.

Not.

Who am I kidding?

I'm probably more similar to the hermit in the mountain than anything else. Ignorant, slacker, rude and just plain don't-care. Whom everyone else would rather not have anything to associate with her if they could ever help it.Top that up with extreme lousy luck. There. Sounds like an interesting figure for an unconventional idol-drama right? Would you watch?

FML. Yes, can i use the F word?

FML FML.....

2010-04-01T01:50:00.003+08:00

April Fool. I wasn't fooled. Hmm.. I love the feeling of after running/working out. Problem is I will be too wide awake to sleep later. Oh wells, I can always work on my piling high workload till I feel sleepy. Is excited that Snuffie is back in town. Can't wait to meet her up. =)

Lost focus...

2010-03-29T00:15:00.004+08:00

Just feel like I have to write something.

I can't focused. The test is tomorrow but I've barely skimmed through a few chapters.

I can't stop looking at old pictures. Can't stop checking the new notifications on Facebook.

FB feels like my only connection to the outside world now. All other means of communications are cut short.

I guess the unfocused/ unmotivated feeling all constitued by one cause- loneliness.

I get so bored and insecure I really can't focus. Desperate for any form of communications, I'll disturb anyone on msn that seems available, only to end up with nothing to talk about. Same thing when mum calls.

The Big Sis is getting married soon. So, obviously she's sweet on her future husband now- they both are. We no longer spend time talking to each other on msn, no longer meet up on weekends for shopping trips now. Everytime I see her, the future brother-in-law will be there. Not that I'm not happy for both of them-in fact I couldn't be happier she found someone so nice who gets along well with our family too- but I really misses the time when only we sisters spent together doing things...

The Baby Sis is working now. Busy till night everyday. Obviously, no chance to talk to her for a long time. I miss messing and fooling around with her. Miss bullying her to the max, and laughing at her annoyed face. Miss all the gibberish we speak to each other and yet, understand each other perfectly.

At least, in Korea, I could just go over to room 414 anytime in the middle of the night when I'm feeling lonely. Even though the occupants there might not layan me so much sometimes, at least I won't feel so alone, for I know we've got only each other in a foreign land.

Coming back to sg just makes everything more surreal. I'm losing touch with the reality world everyday. It feels like a big part of me is evaporating slowly everyday as I waste time like this away day by day.

I haven't figured out what I want to do in the future. The stagnant position that I am in now makes me very uneasy. What should I do?

I realise I'm beginning to lose the flair to talk to people. Normal conversation, chit chats. I couldn't keep the flow going and didn't know what else to say anymore. It's scaring me. Soon, I'll just become a mute with a voice if this continues on.

"I'm just a little girl lost in the moment, I'm so scared but I don't show it." -The Show, Lenka

A picture speaks a thousand words..

2010-03-26T01:33:00.003+08:00

The old primary school photos that Hazwanee uploaded on facebook are causing a lot of commotions. It is just so funny and amusing to see ourselves more than 10 years back. People do change overtime. But, surprisingly, I could still recognise and remember most of them. Even those who I've never heard from after primary school. Scenes from those (not so) innocent days just started to play around my head. The days where we had choir practices during music lessons for the performance. Days where I would fool around with Suz, Ah Lee, and I can't remember who elses during practice. The day where we all scrunched up our noses n sulked because of the bling bling ala getai skirt that we got, along with the polka dot hair band (gigantic head bow in my case) that we have to wear on our head. Those days were funny. The yellowing of the picture just made those memories even more nolstalgic.

Then there was the standard 6 picture. To be honest, t'was a hard year for me. More unpleasant memories than happy ones then. I was a rebel at school. Well, as much of one you can get in a top class. Anyways, I would slack off my homework, not handing them up for months, got out of group projects because no one would take me in their groups, lie through my way to save my own ass when the teachers confront me for all my misbehaviours, and a lot more which I am even ashamed to mentioned here. The girls would shy away from me no matter how hard I try to fit in. Perhaps because I stood out like a sore thumb physically, or perhaps because I wasn't completely honest with them on a lot of things because I just couldn't. For example, they would be questioning why I still could receive the book loan scheme from school when I am staying in this huge-ass house. I would try to explain my circumstances but it was so hard for a 12-year-old to make her peers understand without revealing so much. In the end, they just call me a liar.. I guess that's one of the reasons I started to be a black sheep amongst them.

Speaking of the book loan scheme, that's another part of school which I hated so much. It was just downright difficult to explain to the teachers why I would need the scheme. Mind you, I was only 10 then. And I had to go through the sickening experience every year thereafter. What about my mother you ask? You see, my mum would reason that I could speak malay way better than her so I should explain it to the teachers instead (Her command of malay/english is quite poor). Besides, she was way too busy to take care of that, having to shuffle between hospitals and hospitals to take care of my dad. And the 10-year-old me would be bug down with the stress to earn myself that loan scheme. God knows what consequences await if I fail. Mum did her part though, even going as far as to get the MCA delegate/ some other politician to certify a declaration letter explaining our situation to the school. I still remember, the first time I tried explaning to Mrs. Nathan, our class teacher then, I cried in front of the whole class because I was at the end of my wits on how to get the teacher to understand. She asked me so much questions in front of everyone else that I felt it's more like an integoration. It didn't help that I was blacklisted by her for not submitting my homework on time or something. It was such an embarrassing episode that I vowed on that day afterwards to never ever cry again in front of other people. Especially when it comes to explaining the "circumstances".

I guess that's why I learn to grew up the tough way. I would defense myself against others by being harsh with my words. I would be very careful to not reveal any sign of weakness to others as well. I would built up a wall around my heart and always put up a tough exterior. And somewhere along the way, I had pick up the Craft of Cunningness which just end the innocent years of the pre-pubescent me.

Thank god, I have learned to cry again. Because tears are just words that can't be spoken from the heart.

Why am I rambling away now? All these just because of a couple of old photos that have surfaced on facebook..

As far as I know, I don't want to go back to those years ever again.

I should go and sleep now.

2010-03-23T02:03:00.002+08:00

"Kai Xin, what kind of guys you like?"

"Kai Xin, you got anyone after you now?"

"Kai Xin, you got anyone you like?"

"Har... Why are you still single??????"

Beats me. It's officially a mystery now.

2010-03-23T01:55:00.001+08:00

Oh, he's attached? Well, at least he's not gay..

2010-03-22T02:52:00.002+08:00

As cute as a puppy. A bit pretty like my favourite Korean pretty boy. It explains everything.

Too bad there's no connection at all between us. Oh wells, settling for being an eye-candy isn't that bad too. =)

2010-03-20T23:22:00.002+08:00

There's a new infatuation. And it brought along a strange dream.

And there are a lot of stresses. And it brought along anxiety.

If only we can runaway to Lala-Land forever. OK, maybe not. But long enough to evade the problem.

What would you do when the road in front is block by so many obstacles and yet your goal is just so near? Would you ram head first into the obstacles and brave through it or would you make a U-turn and try to find another exit out?

I am still merely sitting in front of the obstacles and pondering, not making any progress.

A tortured soul...

2010-03-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

너무 힘들어 요...

It makes me wonders every night. I don't even know anything anymore. It's a blank blank mind in there.

2010-03-09T03:10:00.002+08:00

Dear Abandoned-Blog,

I'm in pain. And it's self-inflicted. I need to stop this. But I do not know how, as hard as I try.

Yours sincerely,
Your writer

2010-03-03T22:19:00.001+08:00

out of control. is scares. help..

2010-02-21T22:16:00.003+08:00

It's tiring and it's frustrating. The difference between ideal and reality.

Everything's blurring into a mash of marred grey. I can't see clearly anymore.

My eyes hurt. My ears hurt. My throat hurts.

I don't know where I am now. Except that I know clearly where I really am.

See? That's the confusion I'm talking about.

It's ironic how my voice doesn't blend in with others when we sing together. The me who received vocal trainings for years in choir singing.

My lappie decided to work again and I'm thankful for that. But I'm still very behind in my works. Will slog out overnight tonight to finish everything. Felt incredibly sorry to my groupmates. It just isn't fair for them who work so hard over the holidays and hand up their parts on time while I've only handed in a crappy draft so far.

It feels like deja vu all over again.

Don't wake me up....

2010-02-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

A person's personality is influenced by his/her upbringing.

I grew up awkward, sticking out like a sore thumb, being taunted and teased, being stepped and surrounded by malicious intentions. Despite the love and comfort that my parents try so hard to provide me with.

What kind of personality would I have?

Definitely not a pleasant submissive one everyone would love.

Pardon me for being such an obnoxious being....

Lone souls..

2010-02-07T02:58:00.003+08:00

It pains my heart to know that she's crying all alone at home. And that her cries are unheard of.

It hurts to be alone. Of course I know. Nothing hurts more to have your love ones around but still filled with loneliness. It's scary to be alone.

Why can't two lonely people who love each other be together and live their lives happily?

Why do we ridiculously torture ourselves with separations? You'll probably say "aiya, it's the norm of life lah." But why do we deal with such nonsensical "norm" of life and suffer like this?

I want to be with you. Right here, right now.

Melancholy

2010-02-05T01:41:00.002+08:00

I have more things than others.

I am more fortunate than others.

I am more loved and blessed than others.

I seem to have everything.

But why am I still feeling so empty?

So ungrounded and insecure...

2010-02-04T21:01:00.001+08:00

sudden melancholly..

2010-01-16T01:47:00.001+08:00

Is feeling all alone again..

2010-01-12T23:29:00.001+08:00

I miss Korea. Moving back to hall is a mistake. God save me.

2010-01-12T23:12:00.001+08:00

Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me Love me LOVE ME!!

FML

2010-01-12T23:09:00.000+08:00

Love me, talk to me.

New year resolutions

2010-01-07T22:54:00.003+08:00

Meet up with the girls today. And yesterday. Nostalgia~~

I am surrounded by people. But why do I still feel lonely?

New Year Resolution. Which I hope will keep at least 50%...

1. Study hard and finally hit 4.0 in my CAP score.

2. Cut down on my Youtube addiction.

3. Run/swim/ exercise at least 3 times a week. And finally have a body fit enough to fit into a bikini.

4.Be nicer to people. Genuinely.

5. Call on mum more often.

6. Keep my temper in check. Keep my enthusiasm in check. Keep my emotions in check.

7. Have positive outlook on things.

8. Stop "koping" other people's food. With or without permission...

9.Be more honest about my true feelings. Especially when it comes to the four letter word which starts with L.

10. Try out more new things. Start with volunteer work.

Alright. I'll start with this 10. That's quite of a Herculean task to keep already. How many do you think I will succeed in? Let's have a bet...

The volunteer group...

2010-01-07T01:04:00.005+08:00

Been keeping in touch with the Koreans. Hj, Sg, Sw, and Jky.

They all say they missed me. They all said they talked about me in their meetings.

Seems kinda faraway and surreal. I'm still caught between the wonderful fantasy land of SEP in Korea and the reality of being back in Singapore/Malaysia.

They all said Sh really wants to come to Sg to meet me. But I've only seen him once! And seriously not my cup of tea. Scary~~

When will they realise it's Sw who caught my attention?

2010-01-07T01:01:00.004+08:00

Enjoying the solitude of being home alone. And not so enjoying it now.

Feeling sleepy and really wanna got to sleep. And not really feeling want to sleep.

Feeling hungry and eat some stuff. And not really feeling hungry at all afterall.

Thinking I should keep my hair long and pray that it grows fast everyday. And kinda wishing it stays short.

Dilemma dilemma dilemma... What's wrong with me? Split personality?

I talk to myself. Funny?

Heartfelt night..

2009-12-28T01:23:00.002+08:00

current song: Don't Forget by Baek Ji Young

I'm coming to the end of my journey here in Korea, arguably the best highlight of my life so far. It's been a bitter sweet journey so far; filled with joy, happiness, amazements, frustrations, and a sprinkle of tears. However, now that everything is coming to an end soon, all I can remember is only the good times.

I sent off CM and LT last night(dawn?). Their last day here was such a memorable ones full of surprises. First, we received so much kindness from unexpected strangers; their Prof. XiaoYong who helped us drag our massive luggages to the post office to ship and only to drag it back when we found out it wasn't open, the bus driver who waited for us, and the Koreans (Dong Geun, Jae Hee, and Chang Geon) who put in so much effort to make their last day enjoyable, especially Dong Geun.

We started off with a lunch of ddakgalbi with DG, JH and CG. DG instantly won the "Best Man of the Day" award by giving out presents to each of us. He even showed off a little of his culinary skills. Lol. After some photo takings, CG have to leave earlier for some reason. The rest of us went to the Cake House Cafe to hang out instead. DG and JH wrote their contacts on post-its and pass it on to everyone. DG was being the dork the entire night. He took a lot of "concept" pictures with each of us and kept asking us to call him oppa. I kept telling him I can't coz I'm like older than him by 6 months. He didn't believe me until I showed him my ID. Haha. We kept writing other nonsense on the post-its and pass it to each other too. I wrote "no oppa aniya" a few times and gave them to DG. But that dork just erase the "ani" part and happily keep them every time i gave him a new one. Ish! Haha. After that we went to noraebang. On our way there, we stopped at the arcade and played the basketball, shooting, drum, and DDR game. JH totally rocked on the DDR. The guys later moved on to playthe "kiap kiap" game also. I told DG if he managed to "kiap" something I'll call him oppa. He got all fired up but alas, nothing was "kiap". So we continued our way to noraebang. Us singing like mad in there. Halfway, DG suddenly grabbed me and cued me to go outside. Once outside, he told me to get my coat and we are going out. For one crazy minute, I thought we are going on a some kind of date (he has a gf!). Turns out he wanna buy a cake to celebrate LT's belated 21st and her last night with CM in Korea. Unluckily, the bakery already closed, so we went to get choco pies and ice-creams as replacement instead and put candles on them. "Surprised" the girls with our makeshift cakes (they already saw it when we were outside putting the candles on) and continued to party the night away. Even the walk back to dorm was a special one. Halfway walking, DG pulled off another surprise when he suddenly went into the convenience store. Turns out he wanna buy hot drinks for all of us to warm us up on our way back to dorm. I told him to not waste his money coz we are too full to drink. The dork gave the best answer of the night; "It's not for drinking. It's for holding to keep you warm". How sweet is this guy? The good time continued- we all talked about our childhood favourite shows. It was another surprise to find out that they too, watched the likes of "Voltron", "Captain Planet", "Ninja Turtles", "Conan", "Pokemon", "Digimon", etc etc. Too soon, we reached our dorm.. The guys left us and went back. We spent the rest of the night helping LT and CM pack. Would've love to have more time to talk about things. I surprised everyone including myself by shedding some tears out of the blue, so unlike myself.. Jae Hee and Dong Geun came back to send them off at 6am at dawn, all the way in the cold freezing night. I cried again before going to sleep. Sent the 2 girls a message asking them to take care. CM called me after that and I swear my tear glands are like a leaky faucet liao. LT messaged me in reply. Finally went to sleep after a while..

It was a beautiful day. However, meeting CG also brought back some unwanted memories. Stuff that I've tossed deep down behind my skull that I thought I've forgotten. Stuff that I prefer to not think of.

Judging by the looks of it, no one is reading this blog anymore except myself. So, here we go. The honest confession finally. What really happened...

I met CG at CM's 21st birthday party. Didn't pay much attention to him until DG and him suddenly pull me n CM away and insisting we share a cab back together to school. The way they behaved was kinda suspicious. Then throughout the drinking session, I started to find him interesting. And I admit that I wished that it was me who was sitting next to him instead. We finally sat next to each other when they started telling ghost stories. I think that was when the chemistry begins. Can't really be put into words. It's the way we talked, looked and reacted to each other.. On our way back, we talked for more and the chemistry deepens. He told me something like different language doesn't really matter in a relationship.

The next morning he messaged and we ended up messaging each other for a bit. By then i think it's officially a crush. So, I spent the rest of the week digging my head for excuses to see him again. From cooking up lame excuse of asking him which cafe has wifi to chatting with him on msn (i swear he's good in sweet-talking), I tried so hard to get him to ask me out. On the several msn chat session, he told me he want a girlfriend but he didn't have anyone right now. Told(mislead) me that he wants a girl who's "172 cm tall, smart and open-minded". Of course I act blur as it doesn't mean anything at all and he continued to pry. He did asked me to his birthday party but LT turned down the invi to his birthday party so I turned him down too coz I thought that's what would be appropriate. And I think that's a wrong move coz that's when everything changed.

Perhaps god has decided He has given me enough chances and I never grab hard enough on them. So He decided to take it all back now.

After his birthday, there's nothing from him anymore. And the prideful me just can't bring myself to message him..So the wait continues, till that faithful Thursday night on the end of November. Where I saw him walking towards my direction, hand-in-hand, with another girl. I even tried to convince myself it wasn't him at first, until we were very close and there's no way to deny that we saw each other anymore. He gave a sheepish grin and waved a little in our direction. Looked kinda guilty and let go of the girl's hand, though I wasn't sure it was intentionally or not fo the girl went to pick up a stray tennis ball. I acted like what the Me will act; like everyone else who saw it. Do the "Eehhh" and gave a little knowing look. I'm not sure what but I just didn't feel good after that. Spent the night moody and being grilled by the other 3 girls who had long guessed that I like him (it wasn't exactly concealable). I denied everything even though I wanna admit them. The ego in me just wouldn't let me do it. It hurts having to lie through the layers of blanket and hurts even more knowing that they know I'm lying. They dropped it after a while though.

I thought that's the end of my humilation. But the real stab came the next day. CG suddenly appeared on msn after MIA for so long. Said hi to me. The rationale said to close the window but the little hope said to hear what he has to say- maybe that girl is nothing like what i think? The little hope wins. I replied hi back. He wasted no time typing " I have a girlfriend now. My love my love my love~~~~". Have the courtesy to asked me whether am I going for the winter workshop or not but waited no seconds for me to reply before telling me that he's to go and went offline.

I deleted him from my account ever since. Coz god knows how many hours I spent staring at the laptop screen and wishing for him to come online the previous week. I couldn't bear to go on being like that anymore, now that he has just broken the wall that I've so painstakingly build for years.

It really hurts to know, that the one time I've decided to let off my guard and give love a chance, that all my determination turns out to be nothing but a foolish wishful dream. It hurts to know that he doesn't even bat an eyelash to turn around and pretend that nothing ever happens. Except that that nothing did really happened...

It hurts that I would still see him at school sometimes. It hurts that I've to put on my sweetest smile and wave when I see him. It hurts when I had to see him when I am with LT/CM and he would over come to talk and I had to act like nothing happened. It hurts when I had to see him with the girl..

Eventually, the pain subsided. I thought it doesn't hurt anymore. I thought it's ok for me to smile and wave when I see him and not hurt at all. I thought it's ok for me to even see him with the girl.

But it's a small world indeed. For I didn't know the Korean in LT's skiing group, Hye Sung, who played games with us, would turn out to be CG's roommate. And how Hye Sung would know my name even though I didn't introduce myself. And how Hye Sung would say that he heard that my Korean is "good" and that I came to Korea because I like Korean dramas (misinformation) despite knowing me for barely 5 minutes. And how Hye Sung would say that he heard all this from his roommate, Chang Geon...

I couldn't describe how I felt back then. It's like all the things that I've been trying to forget just rush back at once. Images of CG showing off our conversation to HS just flashed in my mind. And I remembered that CG did mentioned about his roommate in one of our conversation. And I remembered the rest of the conversation. And I remembered the pain..

Still it was still ok until lunch yesterday. It took a lot for me to remain comfortable and not fidget weirdly. I was glad he left earlier. Coz it was really awkward for me when his around. We took pictures together before he left, just because everyone did so too.

And that's why I felt like such a loser now. For I couldn't helped looking at the pic with him for a long time, staring into his face while all the memories come back, and at the same time still able to notice how he has eye-smile.

SEP in Korea is coming to an end for me. I will take only the good memories with me. Everything shall start anew when I go back to Singapore. God has taught me how it feels to really like someone, even for a short while. For that, I am one step closer to being a complete person.

Grateful for everything that happened in the past 4 months. I shall return with a smile. =)

Of ski, snow, and all things white. =)

2009-12-25T23:50:00.003+08:00

The past week was quite interesting.

Went skiing for the first time in my life. Fell like a 100 million times but it was so much fun! Was able to ski for a bit in the end.

Had some bonding sessions with the Korean and celebrated LT's 21st at the ski resort. It was refreshing from the usual stuff we do. Carol's antics are the bestttttt...

Went for the worst drinking session ever. The 2 girls and guys there only cared about making out. Major yucks...

Went clubbing with Sam, Bri, ZX, and Yi Xian and her friend who came over to visit. It was MAD! 2PM was in the house performing and everyone went ballastics. Haha. Danced the night away like there's no tomorrow...

Christmas dinner of samgyeopsal and padak chicken. It was Albert's last night here. Had some interesting talk over padak and it makes me ponder on things. Things which are not worth pondering that much anyways... Oh, it snowed on our way back. A white Christmas night. Lovely! =)

S.E.O.U.L

2009-12-15T13:22:00.011+08:00

If only I've seen this video earlier.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gYDWD69o7I

I would've walked around the city on my own.

Taking random snapshots of the city.

Cycling through the park overlooking Han River. Eye candies at the side will be a plus.

Plugging my music on and dancing under the bridge in the middle of the night.

Or find an open rooftop building overlooking the horizon, pretending the sky to be my stage, and twirling all my forgotten ballet steps on it.

And look out for a mascot with an overturned head on the street.

For he might just romance me with a scene like this.

And reveals himself to be the cute wangja that could only exist on tv screens.

Ok. Maybe not the wangja part.

But what I would love to do the most is this.

Nothing beats the feeling of being at high altitude, feeling the breeze on your face, overlooking the rest of the world below, and yelling out all your worries away.

Awesome!

Seoul is definitely infinitely yours that way.

2009-11-27T15:05:00.003+08:00

Edit: Oh great. You just have to rub it in my face don't you? What satisfaction are yu getting from there? What shit do I care about it? Why tell me at all? WHYYYYYYYY? What the fuck seriously. Can't I even have a whole week of nice mood without you ruining it? Who the hell do you think you are? To talk to me like that. Great just great don't you? Yeah, here's what I've to say to you. F*** OFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Irony. Toy me again and I might just burst. BOOOOOOMMM!!!!

I can't believe I'm saying this. But for the first time in a long while, I seriously feel like flying back straight to Malaysia right now. Where the comfort of my bed, mum's cooking, mahjong set, yuek and MUM is awaiting...

Why do you always have to make it so much harder??? I don't even know what you expect from me. Yes. This question is being directed to the higher upper being above who happens to shoot arrows as a part time hobby.

Leave me alone.

JAY I LoVE U.

2009-11-25T23:37:00.003+08:00

I never knew what the photos' order at the end of Jay's 晴天 mv means until now. It's so cool!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2ImztgAtiY#movie_player

Definitely one of his top 3 MVs.

In a good mood..

2009-11-24T00:14:00.003+08:00

Happy for the past few days.

The weather has lightened up.

Bought awesome dress.

New episodes of "You're Beautiful".

Binge a lot (ok, i know it's not good but whatever).

Carol is fun to hang out with.

Cleaned my room and did laundry.

Liking my hair more.

Phone call with the sis earlier on.

=))))))))))))))

So happy that I'm skipping down the hallway sometimes.

If only I didn't see him on Saturday, it would be perfect......

2009-11-17T14:31:00.002+08:00

Edit:

Well I did it. Nearly. Angry that I'm such a coward. Angry that the other party is such a coward. Angry that the project mate's a bugger. Angry that I'm not sure what I'm really angry with. Angry that I turn to food comfort instead.

Whatever.

Just feel very relieve now that my lappie is fine (it crashed earlier tonight).

End Edit

Wondering whether I should make the phone call. Seize the day or live safe? What do I want???

Missing in me..

The Babi Busuk Who Turns 19 Today.

2009-11-15T23:10:00.020+08:00

You are the most irritating girl ever.

You would just ignore me no matter how hard I try to get your attention. Which is why you would find me so annoying at times too. You've no idea how deep I have to rake my brain to come up with new ideas to err..."attract your attention.

Whenever I tell you that I love you, you would reply "I hate you" back with a straight face without any hesitation. Sad~~ The only times when you would reply "I love you" back is to stop me from pestering you for not saying "I love you" to me. And that is even sadder! =(

You would call me "Xin ah!" as if I'm your maid or something, without any disregard that I am 3 years older than you and nearly 10cm taller. But whenever you call me "Er-jie", that is when I should be scared..Really scared. Because that could only mean you needed a favor from me.

Despite ignoring me, giving me the cold shoulders, kicking me out of the bed, and treating me like shit all the time, I still hang around you like a sorry lappy dog without any means. Why would I do that? I guess there's where your charm lies.

You are the one who understand me so well that we can literally have an entire conversation

in gibberish and still understand each other.

You are the one who would entertain my crazy antiques at times and fool around with me even in the middle of the night.

You are the one who I can share my obssesions with. Be it anime, J-drama, K-pop, or food!

You are the one who I can "trash" around without feeling too guilty when I'm bored. Hehe.

You are the one who I love hugging the most- my favourite plushie in the world!

You are the coolest 4-D girl in the entire planet.

And most importantly, you are my one and only 妹妹.

I've always said that you were born for me to play(like a toy). But what I really mean is you are born for me to shower love upon on. =)

Happy 19th Birthday, Yuek.

Stay healthy and stay tiny always. So that I can continue to "play" with you. Hehe. =D

p/s: I have to dig out old ugly pics of me just for you. What a big sacrifice!

Butterflies

2009-11-15T08:18:00.004+08:00

The flutter of its wings
the whirl of its path
that twists and turns inside and out
over and over again
Oh dear butterfly
how beautiful are thy
Your hypnotising colours
that mesmerises me
But what is this funny feeling when I watch you fly
Warm and ticklish
over and over again...

Make up your mind..

2009-11-12T00:03:00.002+08:00

So vexed and frustrated I don't even know where to start.

Is it really that hard to make a decision?

If it is, then can't you just accept people's decision?

And if you don't can't you come up with something better?

And if no, can't you just REALLY accept people's decision? At least they have one.

I don't know what you want. You don't even know what you want.

So how???????

Things that goes "Bang!" at night..

2009-11-10T23:50:00.003+08:00

Beware. Of scary things. That spooks. And goes "Bang!" at night.

CAUTION: Horror ahead. Scroll down at your own risk.

BOOO!

Scary enough? Boo to you if you don't get the oxymoron yet by now.

Is what?

2009-11-06T21:40:00.002+08:00

Is constantly irritable because of the lack of eye-candy around campus.

Is getting more irritable too because of the burden felt of being the "da jie". wtbleach.

Is seriously going to cry if no cute Korean guy sweep off the feet before going back to Sg!

Is really going to cry because there's a big possibility no one will be picking her up and therefore will have to lug all the luggages back alone.

Is really going to cry to if have to spent New Year eve alone unpacking those said luggages.

Is really disgusted at how self-centered this post sounds like.

Of tteokbokgi and the fake hot Korean girl.

2009-11-04T22:37:00.003+08:00

Gosh, what a turn of event!

I was sien-ning and emo-ing a bit because of the sien-ness of the night and lousy dinner earlier. And just as I was about to blog about the sien-ness of the sien things on my mind, my friend suddenly showed me this.

http://www.sixthseal.com/2009/10/tteokbokki-dduk-bbok-kie-hot-and-spicy-korean-street-food.html

He thought I was Korean!! In what ways do I look like one lor~~

Had no idea he's a blogger back then. Anyway. he exaggerated a lot la. You ppl know it's nearly impossible for me to speak good English (structered and without the "lah's") let alone perfect Queen's English. And I didn't really translated that much for them. Haha. Anyways, it's still funny to see that I became one of the topic of their discussion. Wtbleach..

Anyway, shall save my emo post for next time.

A first and YG Family loves..

2009-10-29T02:07:00.002+08:00

He might not know, neither do the rest. But it's a first for me, although it barely counted as one. Sigh~~

Anyway, YG is the love recently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bFJzUIWns8. So sweet. That's the girl from 2Ne1, Park Bom, if you are wondering. The same one who goes "I don't care eh eh eh eh eeee~~".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro0d717tejg&feature=fvst. So hot. Taeyang, the 2nd sun. Loves the choreography. =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHuOMbfrl0w. So the love. Even thought their japanese is weird, it's so good to see them all back again especially Daesung's accident.

Totally loving these styles than GD's "Heartbreaker". Can't wait for the release of Taeyang's "Wedding Dress" now. =)

Irrational sien-ness..

2009-10-21T23:40:00.003+08:00

It's ironic how sometimes you get more sien with the people who you got along at first but you get more along with the people who you felt sien with at first. Quite tired of nursing a bunch of babies.

I am probably the person who is the sien-ness ever in this world when they get to go to Jeju Island to play.

Really wanna go Everland and the food tasting session this weekend instead.

The Middle-child Syndrome.

2009-10-17T20:23:00.004+08:00

It is strange, that although I seem to be very close to my mum and sis's, we don't contact each other that often.

I seldom call home, and seldom receive calls from home.

This is the record eversince I came to Korea:

called home -1
calls from home -0
video calls - 1
msn with yue - 2
msn with kling -3
msn with bro - 1
msn with kling's bf - 2
exchanged emails with yue - 2

All these sessions are very short. And I actually talked more to the sis's bf than my own blood-related brother.

Mum says that she misses me the other time I called back. Well, why no contact then?

The only thing I can do is upload as many pictures as I can on Facebook and hope they will somehow take a look at it and knows what I've been up to.

My friends here all noted how independent I appeared to be and is usually the one helping them out- hence, earning me the "Ommo-nim" nickname from them.

What they didn't know is I have to do stuffs like that on my own because I do not know how to ask for help. Just like the other time. They're puzzled why I never shouted or asked for help from any of the guys(friends) when I got harrased to no end by those "chi ko peks" in the jimjilbang. Instead, I saved my own ass from getting molested by getting out of the way, and letting the "chi ko peks" got away with it easy.

This is because I've been brought up like this all my life.

"Any problem? Deal with it yourself."
" Sick? Don't tell me coz you asked for it."
" Tired? I'm even more tired than you are."
" Kena bully/molested? Stupid ar you."
" Dunno how? You are bigger in size and more educated than me. Go figure it out yourself."
" DON'T ALWAYS RELY ON ME!"

So, here's a confession from me. My ultimate weakness is I do not know how to ask for help.

Is this a middle-child syndrome?

Kinda wish I wasn't born such a big girl...

Chuseok weekend.

2009-10-06T23:23:00.002+08:00

The trip over the last weekend was a blast. Pictures are uploaded on Facebook. Despite the aching ankle and knee joint (old people *cough cough*), getting significantly tanned, and literally broke for the rest of the month, I was so glad to be out in the nature again. Mountain, beaches, forest, fortress, museum.... they are all the jjang!!

And besides that, I'm glad that it's not bothering me so much anymore now. You know how when we get closer to someone the chemistry will get further instead? That's exactly what happened.

Jumping on the bandwagon at the very last minute doesn't seems like a very bad choice now. =)

P/S: I love the adrenaline rush of being at high altitude.

2009-09-29T01:26:00.003+08:00

3rd post in one night. Gahhh!!!

Obviously I'm so disturbed. And turning into a stalker soon.

Think straight think straight think straight think straight think straight.

Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't even come near me.

May I forget everything. Nothing is going to happen. Everything is going to be fine.

Stupid cupid stop picking on me.

What did I do wrong???

If only one can rips out ones brain and wash away the unwanted contents in it.

Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it.

Gah!!!

Why me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright. I lost. Ok. I do. So what?

But it's not going to work anyway. So don't even think about it.

What now? You got split personality or something? You are literally talking to yourself using the second-man reference. Oh no. Siao?

Not really. Just got to get it off my chest.

Sleep girl sleep. Get up tomorrow and run and forget all about it.

The missing thing in my life...

2009-09-29T00:56:00.001+08:00

That kind of love exists.

Just not so in my world.

Leaving fantasy land and back to reality.

The echoes in my head.

2009-09-28T21:59:00.002+08:00

Like i said, the signals are confusing confusing confusing confusing.

So now, it's quite awkward awkward awkward awkward.

I should really just study study study study.

And maybe play a little.

Random and confusing thoughts.

2009-09-25T01:57:00.003+08:00

Life's good. Besides a few small setbacks like the module thingy and a few extra flab.

Been to concert, drinking, norae-ing and stuffs. Found out best way to cure a hangover is to go running.

However, I couldn't help but think only of it for now. I'm pretty sure you all can guess what.

Yes. When it comes to the matter of heart, I'm a helpless idiot. Completely clueless. So the best way to handle it? Ignore it. Ignorant is bliss.

But then, there is only so much a person can act blur and ignore. The signals are confusing. I hate it. It was nearly deja vu all over again.

I only want a rich oppa. Preferably some mafia big bro type. To go with the lao-da type Yue wants also.

Missing the little sis a bit~~~

Big Bang Bangs.

2009-09-20T02:51:00.004+08:00

With so many new acts(read: muse) bombarding the scenes lately, I almost ditch Big Bang to the back of my skull and forget how awesome they are.

I'm glad to be reminded of this today at the ASF, despite their short performance and Daesung's absence.

Totally made my day, perhaps even my stay in Korea. Wish they don't have to go to Japan though...

Big Bang rocks tonight, oh eh oo ooo~~~

P/S: And just because this guy definitely can do with some love.

Get well soon Daesungie!

2009-09-16T19:39:00.002+08:00

How can they eat so much, nua around whole day and yet stay so skinny?

I eat as much as they do if not lesser, run and work out regualarly, yet i still put on weight.

What an unfair world...

Firsts (Part 1).

2009-09-13T15:49:00.012+08:00

Alright. This post is long long dued. But better late than never right?

Anyways, here it goes.

I've experinced many firsts ever since coming to Korea. First time on a plane, first time living in a country where I could barely speaks it's language, first time eating samgyupsal and drinkin soju just to name a few obvious ones. However it's the more bizarre ones (at least to me) that I'm going to blog about.

1. K-Pop Culture.

I love this. The Koreans are really taking their celebs seriously. With the latest craze of K-pop groups(especially girl groups), the Koreans are lapping up every single song that the artistes dish up (which are usually mad catchy complete with equally addictive dance choreography) happily. Anyone will at least know the basic steps to any of the songs that are overplayed on the radio at streets this days. The companies who are quick to realise the bankability market of this situation, of course wasted no time to get these celebs to endorse their products. Clothes, skincare, food, cars, electronics, etc. And these endorsements are usually incomplete without a life-size huge-ass mortar board and posters of the celebs themselves in front of the store.

Yunho the DBSK leader for Evisu jeans. Hot.

Daesung of Big Bang fame for some fried chicken.

Poor guy had recently involved in a serious car accident and is currently recuperating at home. So, the least a fangirl can do is showing her love by dropping by eating the fried chicken he endorses. Yumm.

Lee Hongki of FT Island for Bavi Phat (skincare). You could see Beyonce's poster somewhere behind him in this pic. This store aims higher by going for double celebrity endorsements. I kinda like their products anyway.

There are still more and more familiar faces everywhere you go around in Korea but I din take much of the pics because the inner fangirl in me still hasn't come out of the closet yet. So, I couldn't be too obvious la...

2. The Destroyer.

This happened last Saturday. I broke the ceiling fan in my room with my bare fingers. How cool is that?! Don't panic. My fingers are still intact and fine despite several minor cuts on them. But the same couldn't be said to the fan as it ceased to function completely.

This is how it happened. Stretching. Ok la. Maybe I jumped a little too. Damn those low ceilings...

The broken fan. It gave a violent wobble threatening to fall off the ceiling if you turn it on.

I was more worried about my roomie finding out than my bleeding fingers at that point of time. After some frantic sign languages and mixed languages of explaination to the ahjussi below, he got someone to check it out. Alas, the thing could only be fixed on Monday morning coz they need to change the entire thing. Needless to say, the roomie wasn't pleased to find out that she has to live with 2 days without fan. Couldn't stop grumbling about it. What a bitch. I mean what the bleach..

The drama doesn't end here. Remember ahjussi said they'll fix it on Monday morning? Problem is they never exactly said what time. They came around 9am when I was still sleeping. The roomie went out earlier so the door wasn't locked. All I could remember is some fumbling sound outside the room and the next thing I know the door flew open to some exclaimations of "Ohmo!" (OMG!). Yes, they never even knock on the door first. And there was I, laying spread eagle on the bed for a lady(who opened the door) and two other guys to see.

As if, that wasn't humiliating enough. In my groggy state of just being awakened up so unceremoniously, the lady told me I've to get out of my room that instant because they need to change the fan. I said "Ok, but gimme 10 min?" but the lady said "No, you must come out now". WTB. I wasn't even wearing my bra then! Can anyone say rude?

So, I've no choice but to quickly grab some toiletries to wash up while they work on the fan. The whole process only took about 10 min. They left before I got back but when I got back to my room, it was locked. WTB again. Gah. Have to run after the lady to unlock it for me.

And if you think that is drama enough, the horrible morning still continues after that. On my way to school, I saw my roomie walking back with another friend. And when we are approaching each other:

Roomie: Do you know what you did this morning?
Me: What? Oh, the fan got changed already.
Roomie: You sit up on the bed and yelled "Everland!! Bookshop!".
Me: @_@.

Needless to say, everyone knew what I did that morning thanks to her. I was actually the last one to find out. WTB. I didn't even know I speak English in my dreams. Usually it was just some gibberish mutterings in an unknown language when I got too tired the night before. Gah!

What a great morning huh?

Stay tuned for an even more exciting Part 2 where alcohol and nudity are involved!

The Princess Syndrome..

2009-09-11T23:40:00.002+08:00

Some people just really take things for granted.

Just because you are born with a comfortable life doesn't mean others are too.

Just because you don't think something is important doesn't mean others think so too.

Just because something is not yours doesn't mean you can trash it around like useless garbage.
Especially when that something belongs to someone else who values it a lot and is kind enough to lend it to you, even when you did not bother to find out who the owner is and thank that person.

Just because you are some kind of princess where you come from doesn't mean you can act like one here.

I'm so upset now.

And for your information, that's my favourite cardigan from Topshop which I bought with my hard-earned money using literally my own hands. It may not costs a lot but it means a lot to me. And I happened to like it a lot because it fits me so well I don't mind wearing it everyday.

I really really hate dealing with stuck-up treat-me-like-a-princess-gu niangs.

It's You.

2009-09-11T00:30:00.005+08:00

I'll really update with more interesting stuff soon.

But for now, here's something for you all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n86eCTjPHb8&feature=PlayList&p=7F91BE74F46AC873&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=31

I'm usually not one who's into emo lovey-dovey break-up songs. And definitely not Super Junior ghey songs. Except for the mad-addictive Sorry Sorry's hand-rub and shoe-wipe dance.

But somehow this is different. I'm feeling it more the more I listened to it. The kind of feel only Jay Chou's emo songs can make me feel.

It sure is tough to stand out in a big group of 13 pretty guys.

But this one totally got my heart.

Kyuhyun.

One line of amazing vocal at the chorus part and I'm sold. Doesn't help too that he's kinda cute. Such a cheap whore I am.

Haih~~

Inside room 415..

2009-09-04T00:02:00.002+08:00

Life's great and happening now.

But I'm sitting here in my neighbour's room, with four of us, each doing our own stuffs on our own lappies, and they are all chatting with someone on webcam except me.

And that makes me wonder. 55 people online on my msn list. But how many do I really actually chat too? Not even friends from hall whom I used to be so close with. And the sis's can't be seen online anywhere for days.

And I couldn't help but feel, life is great and happening, but it is kind of sad when there's no loved one to share it with...

First week in Korea

2009-09-01T12:18:00.022+08:00

My lappie is really lagging now after I've installed some safety net program from HYU for our browsers to work. Bloody..

Anyway, here's a quick summary of what have happened over the past few days in Korea.

Day 1:
Air-sickness. I don't know whether any of you know about this, but it is my first time taking the airplane. And let's just say there are some barfing action involved and it's not a nice experience. Thank god Vannesa had some motion-sickness medicine with her. The rest of the day is spent on grocery shopping and tidying up that day. Got our first taste of language-handicap and the spiciness of Korean food.

Day 2:
Shopping at Myeongdong. It is still by far my favourite place to shop. Will definitely go back there again.

Day 3:
Shopping at Dongdaemun. Went to Gangnam to shop at first, coz we heard that there is a "paradise" there, but couldn't find the place. So, left after getting some toast from Isaac as our lunch. Yummy~~
Dongdaemun has seriously lots of stuffs to offer. But enclosed within a building so small for so many stalls and goods, my claustrauphobic-ness kicks in. The shopkeepers will tend to overcharge you too if you don't know how to bargain. This shoe I bought was quoted at 40 000 won initially before I "sha jia" to 13 000 won!
What the bleach lor...

Said-shoe. A bit small for me though.

There was a dance battle going on outside where they just randomly asked people from the street to come onstage and dance to some K-pop songs. Very interesting and the inner K-pop fangirl is being kept happy.

Day 4:
Shopping again at the vicinity of Hongik University. Planned to go sight-seeing at some palace at first. But then the other gang "jio-ed" us to go Hongik. We changed our plan coz we were too paiseh to reject them again after so many times. Hongik turns out to be a very interesting place with lots of quirky little shops and cafes. But the stuff not so cheap there la...

Nice window display.

Charlie Brown cafe. Love it.

"Atas" cafe.

Day 5:
Too tired to go out after so many continuous days out from day to near mid-night. Nua at dorm and finally went grocery shopping to get all the other important stuffs which we missed out during our first trip.

Day 6:
Alien registration. Yeah, that's literally what they called the foreign registration stuff in Korea. Unfriendly huh? Anyway, one of our mentor, Sung-ni, brought us there and guided us through it. Thank god she's around. The journey there is bloody long and the wait for the queue is even longer. After the registration she took us to this jumbo bookstore, Kyobo, which has plentiful amount of cute and nice stationary. I'm usually not a stationary person but will definitely go back there to get more souvenirs. Chatted a lot with Sung-ni throughout the journey and wait. It's really fun and I really wanna meet more Koreans. Lesson faster start la~~~

The very nice and friendly Sung-ni unnie.

Day 7:
Sight-seeing at Changdeokgong. Pretty. Really pretty. No wonder it is recognised by UNESCO as a world heritage place. Too bad the guided tour is in Korean and we didn't managed to take as many photos as we want to. And it was freaking hot today too. I think I got tanned after the trip..

It was a really hot day outside. What autumn?

The magnificent palace.

Pretty landscape. Like what I used to picture at school when we were asked to draw for Pendidikan Seni. Except that my drawings turned out nothing like this..

My attempt to re-enact the scene in Memoirs of a Geisha. Damn failed..

The scholar tree. Hugged this for luck in my studies.

My Singaporean friends are facinated by ariels like this. Budak bandar...

Went to Insa-dong after that. Lots of folk handicrafts. Again, unique and pretty, but not something I'll be willing to spent so much on.
Handmade traditional mask.

There's this really nice building there.
I love this building.

And we left our ink there.
The four of us. I draw wan. Pity we have no marker pen with us then.

I don't usually do this but since a lot of you have been saying that I look like Korean, here's a pic of me selca(short for self-cam, Korean slang), Korean style.

Bare-face with completely no make-up. Big nose and pimple scars included.

So, what do you think? I personally don't think I look like one. Wait till I show you more pics of the real Koreans here.

Oh, you can't see it but I absolutely love the pink shirt I'm wearing in that pic! It's a loose wide collar shirt with a HUGE pic of the 3 infamous chipmunks (Alvin, Simon, Theodore) in black on it. Cost only 2000 won(SGD 3)!. Absolutely love. Only regret is not getting more. Will show a pic of it next time.

Anyeonghaseyo!

2009-08-29T22:42:00.002+08:00

Arrived safely at Korea on Wednesday. It's been really hectic since then. Everyday out to shop until very late. Things like clothes and skincare are really cheap and of good quality here. So, my inner Shopaholic have been kept happy. Until the Scrooge come and knock Shoppy hard on its head. So far haven't been to sight-see yet.

I wanna write more about the people, food and the interesting stuffs that have happened here. And share photos. But really really tired (and constipated) now. So, stay tuned for more goodies! =)

2009-08-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

Flying off today. Excited. =)

New Camera and Annalaskhmi

2009-08-22T22:26:00.012+08:00

Finally got a new camera. It wasn't the most exciting camera for a price range like that but I think it's decent enough.

Canon Digital Ixus 95i

I would've love to get the blue or green one but there's only grey and orange available when I went the store. I got the one in grey.

Please tell me I made the correct decision coz a big part of me is nagging that I should've gotten the orange one instead. And the sis is not helping either by saying that my new cam looks ugly. =(

Anyway, I've put my new purchase up for use immediately after I bought it.

Here are some pictures taken at the Annalakshmi restaurant.

At the entrance with sis.

The food counter with the servers.

The girl in the pink sari is very friendly and explained what those funny looking dishes are to me. However she looked at me funny when I went for my 3rd time refill of watermelon. -_-"

Some of the decors.

There's lots and lots more nice and intricate carvings in the restaurant. But I didn't take a lot.

Fried bee hoon, vege cracker, vege curry, and fried long bean with dhal. The fried bee hoon's really good.

The rest of the food included naan, thosai, dhal, pancakes, beriani rice, and several other curries. Those food are gobbled down before I remembered to take photos.

Oh, in case you are wondering how come there's no meat on the menu, that's because Annalaskhmi is a vegetarian restaurant. And it is very unique in the way that you are the one who decides how much you want to pay for the food. So, if you are a scrooge and super thick-skinned, go ahead and pay $1 also can. Haha. Please note though the profit of the restaurant goes to charity. The workers you see there are actually volunteer helpers who earned nothing from doing all those job. Amazing isn't it?

Colour my world.

2009-08-17T23:55:00.003+08:00

Got my hair coloured again. It looks pretty good at first. But now it's just pretty blah~~. Wished that I've picked a different colour instead, something a lot brighter.

Been a little too "imaginative" lately. Gotta stop thinking so much. One should learn from previous experience right? But one also needs "colour" in his/her world sometimes. Especially when even the black and white starts to grey before finally fading into nothingness.

Colours of my heart. Colour my heart.

More random updates.

2009-08-13T00:01:00.005+08:00

There are loads and loads that I wanna write about. But then, the combination of "sien-ness" and some page layout problem hinder all of them from being post up here. Sighs..

So here's a rather short and unorganised summary:

Interesting incident of meeting a Japanese lady at work.

Fun Sentosa outing with err... half-collegues.

Plans of exciting stuffs to do in Korea. Including checking out some plastic clinics.

Mad dash back from Sg during National Day Eve.

An inspiring story of an unconventional love story. (Gah, my grammar!)

An interesting family day out which involves bee stings, cow in the middle of a highway, and a mad-stunt-pulling-motor-cyclist.

A short meet up with Shi Hui and Yi Ling, which Yi Ling definitely made a lot of effort for.

So, till I figure out how to put my layouts right again, and get off my lazy ass to write out those above-mentioned stuff, here's a treat to all those who still bothers to stop by on this page.

Everyone say helloooo to the cutest thing ever next to a meerkat. ^___^

Updates.

2009-07-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

It's been rather crazy since I've last updated. Lots of things happened, both good and bad, up and down. Will write about them soon.

Work is coming to an end though. Heavier workload in the last few days, as expected because the employer will sure milk me as much as they can while I'm still around. Wtf.

One more day to go. I shall preserve.

That extra half an inch..

2009-07-22T13:02:00.001+08:00

I hate being so tall sometimes.

My newly bought pair of jeans is 2 inches too short...