Clarity.

I've made up my mind. If you insist on being such an asshole, then I shouldn't care anymore.

I shall retain my last shred of dignity.

Picking up pieces from here and moving on. And I shall start with M&E.

I hate you.

But I hate myself more.

And I hate you for making me hating myself more.

Ivan..

Amidst all the chaos in my head, I'm glad that I have at least someone to talk to. Someone who can sense my distress without me telling him. Someone who offered a ear when I most need it.

Thanks to you I am feeling a bit better now. I shall buck up and survive this gruesome sem then.

On another note, Him sucks. I should have known better when he reminded me of someone who is not much better too. I've learn my lesson now. No more will I believe in anyone that easily.

On the road to recovery then....

P/S: Happy Birthday, Ivan! What a wonderful friend I am. Actually forgot about your birthday until a certain banshee told me.

of crying and wasabi..

When you feel like crying, but you can't or you just simply won't, have some wasabi green peas. Real HOT wasabi green peas.

Satisfying to the soul.

But HOT straight to your nose!!!

Home's the love

The trip back to Muar was a blast.

Food, mahjong, mum, sis, food, more food, vi vian, chareli, suz, hui yi, chiau wei, massage, food and more food.

With the exception of a stupid haircut.

The song that you like..

For the longest of time, I'm falling in love with uverworld over and over again. They've been with me through thick and thin, happy and sad. They are the only thing that is constant in my life now, putting a smile on my face everytime without failure.

Kimi no suki na uta is probably my favourite song of them. It is the only few rare ballad from Uverworld and though it did not sound as wicked as the others like Chance, Gekidou, or even Sora, it is the combination of beautiful lyrics, melancholy melody, and romantic ambience in the video that won me over. Mind you too a song so romantic came from a band that generally belted out rock songs, mostly about life and other more "chim" themes. I swear everytime I see the scene of Takuya singing with the string quartet behind him I totally melt. If a guy is to sing so beautifully to me, I would die without much regrets. *dreamy sighs*. Words just can't describe how wonderful I feel listening to them each time.

"without being able to say i love you, i said goodbye to you".

Perhaps, that is the lyric that I can most relate to. Somehow, I can just never be honest with my own feelings; denying over and over again, deceiving everyone including myself. I wonder why so. Maybe it's because I feel weak and vulnerable to show my fragile emotions to the others. The prospect of opening up to others frightens me sometimes. So, unconciously I built this facade to shield everything from leaking outside, except for the very few people who I can truly talk to. Overtime, I've just become withdrawn and untrusting to others, especially guys.

And maybe that is the answer for mum's question all this while, "Why haven't you got a boyfriend yet?". It's not what she thought at all. Not because I'm picky. Not because no one picks me (how little faith she has in her daughter..-_-"'). It's because I couldn't bring myself close enough to the potentials.

All chance is not lost though. I certainly will if someone as hot as Takuya sings so beautifully to me. ;)

So, till that day, I'll still continue melting over Takuya's awesome-ness. =D

Judgemental

Saw this in Kenny's blog:

Quote of the day: “Of all the traits I hate most about people, I think being judgmental takes the cake. I will put all the effort in the world to not judge people anymore, and all I’m asking in return is for everyone to do the same too.” -Suet Li

I am sorry to have judged you way too early. Repaying it now, although you can't see it.