"L" for Loser..

Who are you to judge me?

It's my life and who are you to care if I screw it up? It's not like it's going to affect you in the least bit anyway.

Do I have to do everything properly just so I can measure up to your standard? Give me reasons why should I do that?

I can just throw away everything I have now and just pursue the things I want to do the most if I want to. Without your permission or anything.

I might not be able to wear my emotions on my sleeve all the time but that doesn't mean I'm not feeling anything inside at all. I do envy you for being able to show your emotions so outwardly but you are not me, so you don't know what goes through my head all the time. You might not even be able to guess the kind of things that bothers me all the time for life's sake. Just because you live in a world purer and brighter than me doesn't mean we all do.

Everyone has their own problems so they must have their own reasons for one thing or another. I'd rather be judged based my looks than my character coz you don't know me at all. So don't try to act smart like you know everything.

How do you define losers and winners anyway? I might be a loser, but I'm fine the way I am.

So, get off my back and leave me alone will ya?

"Crazy isn't about being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It's you, or me, amplified..."-Susanna Kaysen in Girl, Interrupted

An online dating site..

Update: Oh great, a click on the "twister" game application brings such rude interventions. It's supposed to be a "game" where they connect you to just any random people, some with webcam, so you can chat face to face with them. An several clicks on the "next" button reveals nothing but dirty weird sh*ts wanking to themselves! Bloody hell!! How am I supposed to study with such horrifying image imprinted into my head now! GAH!!! And I still haven't figure out how to delete my account. -___-""" Now I shall salvage my eyes by going on a eye candy spree. Another excuse not to study..kns...

Studying makes people do a lot of weird things, just so to have an excuse to not study.

For example, signing up on a dating site, and talking to a few dozens of dodgy strangers.

Check it out yourself http://www.badoo.com/

Less than 1 hour there's more than 30 guys who tried to chat me up, all of them dodgier than the previous one. And looking either like a pug, bulldog, or a chihwahwa. No offernce, but I'm really judgemental when it comes to looks. Well, at least they are all honest enough to put up their own picture.

What the hell was I thinking in the first place? Shall go and delete my account now before some weird sh*t jerks off to my picture...

Presence of eye-candy during study session is a mood-uplifter.

Took a pic of cute guy-J and shall upload it later when it got transferred. ;)

Today, tonight..

Finally getting some studying done today. However, when i'm back in my room, i'm back to happily clicking away on FB again..-_-""

I realise it's been a while since i wrote a quirky and interesting post. This blog has become a place where i just siphon all my disturbing thoughts away. Sometimes i typed so fast i don't even know what i'm trying to say. All i know that it's all in my head and i just NEED to get it out. Fast.

Someone once told me she doesn't dare to read my blog because it's full of emo stuffs. You think that's scary eh? Try having those disturbing and confusing stuff bogging down your mind, all at once. Scary, eh?

Yes, that's how much of a disturbed human being i am. In fact, they should just make an autobiography of "Disturbia" or "Girl, Interrupted" out of me. Might win an Oscar or two somemore. Awesome...

Anyway, the point is, it's not always easy to please everyone, including oneself. I remember Kenny Sia stated recently that he first started out his blog as a hobby but over time, the expectation from people on him to keep coming up with funny posts is just to much to handle.

Will make a funny post if i ever have the inspiration again..

Invisibility

Is totally used to being over-looked and insignificant to others. Would have been perfect if she would just fade away or evaporate just like that.

However, any sudden span of attention on her is totally shocking and surprising. No idea how to react.

Perhaps, it would be nice to be invisible sometimes..

There's so much I want to do now, despite study should be on the top of my priority list.

I want to cook. Tteokbokki, pajeon, dak galbi, apple crumble/cobbler, banana walnut cake.

I want to learn new piano pieces. The name of life (Spirited Away OST), Yiruma's pieces.

I want to run. I want to dance. I want to drink. I want to shop. I want to go to the beach. I want to spend time with my mum. Yada yada yada...

Anything except dealing with this whole contract mess in front of me now. But what to do? I made a vow in front of the Dearly Departed-s I'll work hard to make it through. Nowhere near hard though. How?

Sometimes, I think my life is jinxed because I made too many empty promises.

Random: Regretted not giving her all in piano last time. Could only sigh in envy listening to all the beautiful pieces she could have played if only she was more serious.


I want nothing more than to be cooking and baking and playing my piano right now...

Tumbling down, KABOOM!

Took a fall on the pavement today while jogging. Was relieved and counted myself lucky for not sustaining any injury.

Took a tumbling fall in the library when my leg got caught up with one of the many stray laptop cables lying on the floor. Scraped myself on the knee but i think my pride hurt more. Half of the study room people are staring at me; whispering and grinning among themselves.

The wound kinda sting a bit now. Which made me realise, how fragile I actually am. A slight little fall like that injures me. And a slight little injury like that hurts.

Big-sized people like me should never fall. The risk of getting injured is too high. And it hurts. And i'm talking about both literally and metaphorically.

Actually, she knows the answer to the most frequently asked question of all time all along.

It's because she can't love or care for anyone else. Including herself.

There. Mystery solved. Now, you people can stop asking her the same question over and over again. Because it hurts to know the answer to this.

Can't stop posting because I think I'll explode if I do.

Hates how all her thoughts are centered around herself right now.

Convince me why this life is worth living. Don't bother asking me to change this or that. If I could it would have happened long time ago.

And you know what's the most pitiful thing?

Suicide is not an option because it doesn't solve anything at all.

It's amazing how the world can be so lovely one moment but absolutely horrible the next..

*feels extremely sorry to her loved ones when typing this post*

Can I just give up trying?

A new idol-drama

If my life is like an idol-drama, then my character will be similar to one of those female leads.

You know, those who are not smart, pretty or rich but have the priceless attributes of being hard-working, never give-up attitude, cheerful, loyal, and most importantly, a kind heart.

Those who will manage to trive off and won everyone's heart in the end with their pureness.

Those who will meet their rich and handsome Prince Charming, usually more than one, before marrying the right one and live a happily ever after life.



Not.

Who am I kidding?

I'm probably more similar to the hermit in the mountain than anything else. Ignorant, slacker, rude and just plain don't-care. Whom everyone else would rather not have anything to associate with her if they could ever help it.Top that up with extreme lousy luck. There. Sounds like an interesting figure for an unconventional idol-drama right? Would you watch?

FML. Yes, can i use the F word?

FML FML.....

April Fool. I wasn't fooled. Hmm.. I love the feeling of after running/working out. Problem is I will be too wide awake to sleep later. Oh wells, I can always work on my piling high workload till I feel sleepy. Is excited that Snuffie is back in town. Can't wait to meet her up. =)