Lost focus...

Just feel like I have to write something.

I can't focused. The test is tomorrow but I've barely skimmed through a few chapters.

I can't stop looking at old pictures. Can't stop checking the new notifications on Facebook.

FB feels like my only connection to the outside world now. All other means of communications are cut short.

I guess the unfocused/ unmotivated feeling all constitued by one cause- loneliness.

I get so bored and insecure I really can't focus. Desperate for any form of communications, I'll disturb anyone on msn that seems available, only to end up with nothing to talk about. Same thing when mum calls.

The Big Sis is getting married soon. So, obviously she's sweet on her future husband now- they both are. We no longer spend time talking to each other on msn, no longer meet up on weekends for shopping trips now. Everytime I see her, the future brother-in-law will be there. Not that I'm not happy for both of them-in fact I couldn't be happier she found someone so nice who gets along well with our family too- but I really misses the time when only we sisters spent together doing things...

The Baby Sis is working now. Busy till night everyday. Obviously, no chance to talk to her for a long time. I miss messing and fooling around with her. Miss bullying her to the max, and laughing at her annoyed face. Miss all the gibberish we speak to each other and yet, understand each other perfectly.

At least, in Korea, I could just go over to room 414 anytime in the middle of the night when I'm feeling lonely. Even though the occupants there might not layan me so much sometimes, at least I won't feel so alone, for I know we've got only each other in a foreign land.

Coming back to sg just makes everything more surreal. I'm losing touch with the reality world everyday. It feels like a big part of me is evaporating slowly everyday as I waste time like this away day by day.

I haven't figured out what I want to do in the future. The stagnant position that I am in now makes me very uneasy. What should I do?

I realise I'm beginning to lose the flair to talk to people. Normal conversation, chit chats. I couldn't keep the flow going and didn't know what else to say anymore. It's scaring me. Soon, I'll just become a mute with a voice if this continues on.

"I'm just a little girl lost in the moment, I'm so scared but I don't show it." -The Show, Lenka