It's raining outside..

Second time of the weekend I woke up totally pass morning, totally like a bum.

Not because I want to lie in, but because I NEED to do so. Why? Because I can't find anything better to do. There is lots to do, but I couldn't find the will and strength to, didn't want to wake up to only the sound of fan spinning around at home.

Most peopl I hanged out with are back to Muar over the weekend, others already had their own plans. The other non-Muarian gangs? Who? Where?

The truth is, I hate to admit this and it hurts when I'm finally be able to admit this, I think they threw me away. They still meet up and gather from time to time, but just without me in the equation.

I dunno where and what went wrong. I've tried picking my brains tiniest drop of juice to think of why, but all I can conclude is, I just wasn't that likeable right from the start. It was always me who latched onto them unshamefully.

I tried to not let it bother me, tell others that it really doesn;t, tell myself it really doesn't. But we all know, you can fool the whole world but you can't fool yourself. How much does it hurt really? To suddenly came to enlightenment that people who you have cherished and thought they cherished you too all these years, actually viewed you nothing as more than a piece of baggage they carry along. One that speaks too much and irritates the hell out of them at times. One they can't feel more than relieved to finally get off of their backs.

Perhaps, everyone could pretend everything is fine if I latch myself to them unshamefully once again, just like how it used to be. But like I say, who am I to fool but myself? I couldn't lie to myself anymore, thus, I couldn't put on an act and be all happy and bubbly in front of them anymore. How could you truly enjoy yourself in the company of people who you know they don't really like you? Kudos to you for being able to do so.


It's raining outside now. Should I just crawl back into my bed and shut myself out from this damn screw-up world?