Birthday surprises

So many birthdays around. So many "surprises" going around. Happy happy mood..=)

Which reminds me i've never had one before..

Don't get me wrong. I'm not hinting anything. I've been struggling awhile whether i should post this online. But then this has been bugging me for a long time and if i can't let it out here, my personal venting place, where else can it be?? Not many people's going to read anyway..

The best birthday i've ever had so far was my 8th. I remember dad let me choose whether i wanna go swimming or watch Toy Story that day. Both were my favourite past time. I had a hard time choosing and finally picked swimming instead. So the whole family went swimming at the evening. But then the surprise came after that.

Dad brought us to the cinema after swimming to watch Toy Story afterall!!=D.

Imagine the happy mini version of me jumping up in joy when i found out i got double treats on my b'day!!yay!!

Well, i guess i did have a b'day surprise after all...

Till now, the memory of that particular day is still vivid in my head. The name Toy Story alone still put a smile on my face. =)))))

Perhaps it was all that special because that's the last birthday i spent with dad before he fell sick.
Every year has been very different after that. Mostly unpleasant. The most horrible one was my 18th.

18th is supposed to be the one where everyone gives the vibe about, next to 21. But mine was a week after dad passed away. I didn't know what I should be feeling that day, when we held dad's 7th day ceremony at home. I wanted to tell everyone "it's my birthday today" but I couldn't. And i felt really horrible for even having the cheeck to think about my b'day at all...

19th started off all wrong. We had math mid-terms on that day. I forgot to bring my calculator to school and had to call mum to bring it over for me. The first thing mum said to me when she saw me that morning was literally "I'm so going to cut off your brain, u no-brainer!!"..What a b'day wish!! -_-"..With mid-terms and all, naturally everyone's busy mugging so nothing really exciting happened after that. Yes, not even a cake i think. The one shared with cw at her b'day party doesn't count. Even though that's very kind of her anyway..

20th and 21st wasn't that bad but it wasn't much to talk about too. 21st happened a month after ahmah's death but at least i still got to celebrate it in small scale with mum and yue...

All the other previous ones are just plain awful that I didn't even want to remember it. Till this day, May 23rd is a day i dread. Just because I would really hope it'll turn out good just to be dissapointed all over again. Sometimes I would even wish that I do not have a birthday. It's supposed to be a day where we feel special and loved as a human. Once a year. But no. Not the case for me.

I asked Mum to throw me a birthday party once. To that she that "Did you know that YOUR birthday is the day that I suffered in pain giving birth to YOU for hours? So you should be the one doing something special for me instead!". So true...To that I've no counter-argument at all.

But, I guess I do still wanna feel that special once again afterall. Even though dad isn't here to make it for me anymore. Gosh..i'm tearing up writing this!!! Made me realise how much i miss him..


Meanwhile, hope everyone who have their birthday celebrated by others will truly appreciate it. The efforts people went to for you is not easy. Even though you are sabo-ed and all. And of course don't forget to thank your mum who went through all the pain to bring you into this world.

Happy birthday November babies!!